I've been thinking about this post since I went to bed last night, and actually had a hard time falling asleep while I wrote parts of it in my head. I'm going to just stream of consciousness write this out -- no editing, no backspacing.
I'm having a tough time with blogging lately. It seems to be hard to find the time to blog, the time to write, the time to read. Life has changed a lot since Marko entered our world and, although I still read a lot, it's harder to find the time to sit down in front of the computer and dedicate some time to blogging. Perhaps it's the beautiful summer weather (I'm usually out for a walk when he takes one of his naps, then at home getting dinner ready/tidying the house/reading with a cup of tea during his second nap). Perhaps it's just the fact that I'm not really feeling the blog much anymore. I'm really not sure how I'm feeling these days. It's a major case of the blogging blahs.
Last night, I put him down to bed just before 10 p.m., then thought I'd bang out a few reviews before I headed to bed myself. So, I was up until MIDNIGHT (which is super late for me these days), just trying to get as much done in a short period of time. Before I started writing my Iron Daughter review (which went up this morning), I read my original review for the first book in the series. I was surprised at how different my writing sounded. Then, I skimmed through a few more older posts from around the same time, and my review for Wither really hit home. I couldn't believe how eloquent and well-thought out that review was, compared to the three that I wrote last night, where I just typed out some quick thoughts, did a quick proofread and then scheduled the post. In only a year and a half, it's seems like my blogging style is less about posting something meaningful on the internet, and more about just having SOMETHING to post. And that makes me sad.
To be completely honest, I have thought about shutting down my blog entirely, but there is still so much that I love about blogging and the community as a whole. I've thought about seeing if there's another blog that I could join, so I could still write, but I wouldn't have to keep up the same posting ferocity that I do when I'm on my own. That seemed like the best option at the time, since I could go back to putting more thought and time into my reviews, rather than feeding like a review writing machine with barely enough time to proof read. Estelle @ Rather Be Reading told me that she'd read, and loved, Fingerprints of You, but hadn't written a review for the blog. That comment has stuck with me for some reason -- I review EVERY book that I've read ... yet sometimes it would be nice to just read a book, and let it sit with me, but not review it. I review all of them because I want to have enough content on here, especially since putting together a Top Ten Tuesday post seems to take much longer than writing a review. That's the other post that jumped out at me last night ... I'd done a TTT that paired songs with books, and it just saddened me to see a post that I had clearly invested a lot of time and energy writing, which I just can't do these days.
But I don't know. I just don't know. I'm all over the place right now in my head and in my heart.
I'm also feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume that I have committed to as the owner of THIS blog -- I have e-galleys to read and review for books that are coming out up to the end of November, so I know that I'm committed to those. Some of the titles are ones that I am so incredibly excited about (like Wally Lamb's new book, We Are Water -- I actually whooped with joy when I was approved on Edelweiss!) Sometimes I get anxious just looking at them all on my e-reader, and wondering why on earth I requested so many. But they're mostly books that I just know I will love. It's just the deadlines that are a bit stressful. Plus, I've registered for two courses in the fall, so I will be a stay-at-home mom and a part-time student.
Who knows, maybe this will all be a little easier to handle once the fall weather sets in and I'm more eager to curl up on the couch with a book, a cup of tea and a warm blanket. Or maybe this is the beginning of the end. Who knows, but thanks for letting me rant a little and share what's going through my mind at this moment in time.